3 Reasons You Need to Stop Over-Apologizing Now
by Tanea Flanders, MA, Life and Leadership Coach at Design You Coaching and Tournesol Wellness
It would be great if the lifestyle app on your phone could count your calories, footsteps and the number of times each day you say the words, “I’m sorry.” For a lot of women apologies roll off the tongue with as much ease as saying “hello” or “good morning”.
Women in particular are taught from an early age to be courteous, to show good manners, and to be seen and not heard. To counter that message recent TV and magazine ads now encourage women to be formidable leaders in their lives yet the very creation of these commercials reaffirms the idea that assertive and confident females are in fact not the norm. One easy way to be a powerful leader in your life is to stop apologizing for everything! A chronic habit of apologizing discredits you and eventually erodes your self-worth. Here are some reasons why over-apologizing does more harm than good:
Your confidence crashes
Over time you feel insignificant and question yourself about everything. Did I deserve that promotion? Should I ask my partner for more emotional support? We should apologize when an apology is due but otherwise stand self-assured in our opinions and decisions.
Your career stalls
Company executives will not give you the reigns for a bigger job role or title if you shirk at the one you’re in. Cast a shadow on yourself and no one can see or give credit to your power, grace, and glory.
Your family overlooks you
Apologizing for the food you buy, the vacation destination you desire, or seeking forgiveness when inquiring about your children’s whereabouts only gives way for your family to discount the contributions you make on the home front too.
The good news is you can break this “sorry” habit in five short days. On days one and two ask a friend to tally how often you say the words “I’m sorry.” You don’t realize how often you say this phrase so having a partner track your record will help you keep an accurate count.
Turn the heat up on days three and four. Each time you say “I’m sorry” follow it up with the phrase “I meant to say I’m not worthy.” Sounds ludicrous yes, and having to say that once or twice will stop you right in your tracks the next time your brain formulates an unnecessary apology. You will ask yourself if you are really sorry and if you want others to think you’re not worthy. Not to mention explaining why you’re not worthy will allow you to talk about the habit you’re working to break, further embedding the shift in thinking within your conscious and subconscious mind.
By day five unnecessary apologies will be eradicated from your daily vocabulary. You will have successfully shifted your language from victim to victor. Self assured leader in life and in love!
While chronic apologizing is hazardous to your health, sometimes an “I’m sorry” is called for. Discover the power in apologizing when you should.