When we think about health it usually refers to our bodies, but our emotional and mental condition are just as important to good health too. And what can impact our emotional state more than our relationships with our spouses and partners? If you’re married or part of a couple, is your relationship emotionally healthy? One of the most important keys to maintaining a healthy relationship is good communication, so that conflict, resentment, or anger doesn’t arise from misunderstandings.
“Communicating well with your partner is often a challenge for many couples”, says Michele Cempaka, a certified Transformational Coach and Reiki therapist who has taught healing retreats around Asia for many years. Michele is teaching a special couple’s retreat at Museflower Retreat & Spa Chiang Rai, in northern Thailand this October 2016. This retreat is designed to give couples tools for better communication and strengthen the connection between partners, facilitate change and growth in the relationship and to help partners uncover any limiting beliefs in themselves, or in their relationship that are blocking them from having a more fulfilling partnership.
Says Michele, “When the romantic period is over, couples often find themselves arguing more. At first, it can start out as bickering, but sometimes that bickering leads to bigger issues. One or both partners feel misunderstood or doesn’t feel like the other person is listening to him/her. Resentment builds and before you realize it, you’ve stopped communicating altogether. No one wants to get to this point. “
Michele shares three important tips that can help you improve your communications with your partner and get you back on track to having a loving and fulfilling connection with each other.
- CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME
- Give your partner space after they arrive home from work. This is usually the time they feel most tired and stressed, so it’s not the best time to talk about problems.
- Welcome your partner with affection. This helps soften any tension and help relax your partner. Give your partner at least half an hour before you approach them and let them know you want to talk about something important.
- Ask them if this is a good time to talk. If they want to speak later, then honor your partner’s feelings.
- LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER
- When your partner is sharing their thoughts and feelings about something important, take a moment to stop whatever you’re doing, sit down together and listen to what your partner is telling you.
- Don’t interrupt, just listen. Keep eye contact and reflect back to your partner some important points that they have just shared, so that your partner feels validated.
- When it seems your partner has finished talking, check to see if they have anything else to say. If the answer is no, then you can go ahead and share your thoughts/feelings about this situation.
- Ideally, your partner will also honor you by not interrupting during your sharing.
- BE ACCOUNTABLE
- Be accountable for your own thoughts, feelings and reactions!
- We tend to want to blame our partner for everything that’s going wrong in the relationship. We can’t see how we are also co-creating this reality based on our own life experiences, traumas and thought patterns.
- The more that you’re willing to be accountable for whatever is happening that you don’t like, the more possibility there is to change what isn’t working in your relationship.
- Think carefully about your choice of words before you speak.
- Consider what your partner says, and rather than ‘reacting’ (such as getting defensive or blaming), choose to respond from a neutral place.
- When we heal, our own wounds no longer react from that space of being a victim, we are then able to fully embrace all that our partner contributes to our life. This is the key to having a truly healthy and happy relationship with our partners.
- We first must have a good relationship with ourselves.
Couples don’t need to have problems or serious issues to start practicing these communication techniques, says Michele. “Good communication helps your relationships grow stronger and lead to more harmonious partnerships.”
For more information about the Couple’s Retreat this October 10 – 15, 2016 at Museflower Retreat & Spa in Chiang Rai, Thailand, contact: Museflower Retreat & Spa Chiang Rai, 159/1 Moo 1 Ban Samanmit, Donsila Sub-District, Wiang Chai District, Chiang Rai 57210 Office: +66-(0)52-029-823, +66(0)-93-137-0414
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