Acceptance and choice are key ingredients for a marriage.
- Published: Monday, March 27th 2017
- in Relationships
Acceptance and choice can really make a difference in the marriage playground. Acceptance, sometimes easy, sometimes not so easy, can sometimes be the greatest challenge.
As the old adage says, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
When you marry, this may be the best piece of advice a person can be given. Marriage will try your patience and your ability to love unconditionally. Why? Because the person you marry will see you at your most vulnerable and for some, this can be a little uncomfortable.
When asked what the key to success is for couples who have been married for many years, the response has generally been, we focus on each others positive attributes. The initial phase of love where the dopamine levels shoot through the roof subsides and you take a look at your partner and start noticing the little things that might annoy you. When this happens, you can either sweat the small stuff or you can choose to overlook it. Choice is the key here and it’s not just one time, but rather making a positive choice every day.
According to the Huffington Post, the greatest seven challenges today are: frequent fighting, when one partner wants sex and the other doesn’t, one partner’s drinking or drug abuse, a difference of opinion on work-life balance, financial stress, weight issues, and arguments related to adult children.
While not all drill down to acceptance, some do. Instead of fueling arguments, choose to find solutions when possible. Help instead of criticize or even seek a relationship coach that can help you both work on the marriage. Sometimes couples try to fix their own problems but must realize they are not relationship professionals. Relationship coaches can make a difference when you’re trying to solve issues you may be too close to.
As motivational speaker and relationship coach, Tony Robbins states, marriage is 80/20 with a person. They will fulfill 80% of your needs, you just have to figure out if that 20% are fundamental needs. If you choose to divorce, remember the 80/20 rule will apply to the next person you choose to marry as well.
Valerie Waidler, a marriage and family therapist who practiced in the Bay Area, points out that, “Acceptance is not giving up on yourself but instead finding skills to accept and work on the challenges of a relationship, including how to accommodate what you can’t change in your partner.”
Most importantly, when it comes to the main objections you have of your partner, think with your heart and try to address these objections while the love you share is still alive.